Changes..

Most human beings are afraid of change, its a natural feeling. I've gone through change most of my life and I'm almost adapted to it but nothing could have prepared me for the last months. It's been a crazy  whirlwind ride leaving me feeling sick and full of emotion and I'm taking this opportunity to let it out.


A few weeks ago now, i remember being really excited because i was on my way to a concert. i look back now and that was my last normal day before everything was taken from beneath me leaving me falling. 


I'm still not sure how it happened, its all a blur. I was a stable family, the most stability I've felt in my life, and for me that's good. i need support behind me and it was reassuring having that all  but now.. nothing. gone.


Now I'm on my own again. Don't get me wrong i enjoy my own company but i miss my hectic busy lifestyle before. now I'm on my own in the middle of nowhere with no support. i feel helpless and i cant help feeling its my fault.


I'm still not back yet, not fully there, almost on auto pilot and its frightening. walking round saying and doing things i don't mean to because i cant concentrate. 


It really hurt. before my exams and it made me ill. really ill. i had to fight to stay awake moving from house to car. car to house. Wiltshire to Bristol. took everything out of me and i had days off. I'm still exhausted but I'm slowly building back my strength and i hope that with my friends around me i can face the loneliness I'm dealing with.


thank you.