The Detrimental Side To Love

To days events have made me think about the detrimental side to love. Nothing is quite as it seems. You can never get what you want. And if you do, you end up getting hurt beyond repair.


Everybody sees things differently to other people and i wish you could see things the way we all see them through our eyes and you would give up. I know how you feel, i really do, i just want you to realise the outcome.


Myself. Why cant i realise that I'm going to end up getting hurt? Every time i think about it i feel sick, and i never know when it will happen again, and i cant rely on my instincts anymore..


What to do?

Why?...

Why is one of the most frequently asked questions. Why does this happen, Why is she doing that, Why won't it work? Children say it all the time but i think it all the time.
Why did i say that?
Why did i let him get away with that?
Why didn't i answer the phone?
Why didn't i tell the truth?
Why, Why, Why?


Everyday i ask myself a different why question. Sometimes i think the word shouldn't have been invented. 
Today's why?-
Why do i always push people away?
No matter what happens or what situation I'm in i always push people away and now its starting to bug me. I'm starting to think he shouldn't be with me because it wont last because I'll ruin it. I'm starting to think that I'm making everything he says up. He shouldn't be with me.  Why?

This Is It, This Is Love

Today I learnt that no matter what happens you will always be there for me when others are not. I want to thank you for that because I need you.


When this all began I wasn't looking for a serious relationship, I just thought you wanted a fling. I never thought we would end up being like this. I don't know how you feel about me I just know my feelings. I've written many blogs about you but my feelings have grown since then so here is a new one.


I've always been scared to be myself with boys, I wont eat, buy anything in front of them and silly things like that but this week i had to tackle them all. You became 18 and i was worried that things might change for us because people might become wary about your age but fortunately everything is going smoothly. We went on a date for valentines day and our anniversary and we went to the cinema. In all the films when you go on a date and you sit next to the person you like and you can feel the almost electricity between you? It was like that, i was in awe. I knew then that i was in love. You were staring at me the whole time and it was making me nervous but i didn't realise you felt the same.

I'm with you because i love you, not because i want to compete with anyone else, i want this feeling to last and to never go. Your not just a boyfriend to me, but one of my best friends, i know that you'll always be there for me when I'm crying and when things are going on i can tell you and you wont tell a soul. You know how i feel these days, and sometimes i think you are one of the only people who can almost see things through my eyes and what i have to live with and help me through that. You always put yourself down for helping me, but you always do. You give the best advice and you always help me. I just wish that you would come to me a bit more. 
You always get  insecure thinking that I'll leave you and go out with someone else but i wont. In my eyes, its just you, there is no one else. Its you i don't want to leave me.
People don't know what I'm going through but you do, I'm really grateful that i can tell you things and you understand. If it wasn't for you right now, i wouldn't be me and i would have lost it, so thank you for being 
there and being my rock. 
Its hard to write and put my feelings into words because it might seem like I'm copying someone but i think you know how i feel. Words cant sum up how i feel...


When I'm not with you i feel lost but when I'm with you I'm lost for words. I don't know how I'm going to be without you but I'm going to try because i know that we still have forever <3

Not Being Good Enough

Dont you love not being good enough? I especially love being told it. Real boost to your confidence you know. Girls hate rejection, same as not being good enough. I dont want you because your not her or you dont kiss me in public.


Well i do apoligise for not being perfect. I cant change who i am and if you dont like me for who i am then, well your call, you know...


Cheers babe... Real nice :)