My sister fancied him, and i swore hands down i would never fall for someone my sister likes. The amount of times we went to see him, and the amount of times we hung out he had no affect on me what so ever, i just considered him as a friend, they guy who would hopefully make my sister happy, but he didn't. They just didn't click. We used to text a lot, and we were probably flirting, and everyone got mad at me, stop texting him they would all say, but i didn't. We had a camp out and i was cold, he put his arms around me, i just thought as it being friendly. We got dared to kiss and boom, that was it, it was at that moment i realised i would go out of my way to do anything for this boy, i kept it secret though, didn't tell a soul.
We went out one night because i was sad, it was cold and dark, and we were sat on a rock in the middle of no where and he had his arms wrapped around me and he was kissing my neck, friends don't do that? but i let it slip because i knew i loved him. He obviously felt something for me if he was doing that. I stood up and faced him and my heart was beating in my chest, because staring into his eyes made me dizzy, it still does. I think i knew then it was going to happen, he said some really cute cheesy line and lent in to kiss me and i swear the world paused. feeling his warm breath on my face, and his hands on my waist, his lips pressed against mine, i cant explain what happened in that moment, it was breathtakingly magical and i will never forget. After that there was no separating us, everywhere we went we were together and when no one was looking we stole kisses and he would hold my hand. Then everything in my world came tumbling down, someone had found out what we were doing behind every ones backs and spread the word. Everyone turned against me and we weren't allowed to see each other. I remember considering running away, or harming myself because i knew i couldn't live without him.
I was grounded and banned from seeing him, but that Friday after school when we were lead in the field, i was so nervous, my heart was in the mouth the whole time, just being with him sent my heart into over drive.
We had many memories after that. We decided to date again and we told our parents and everything went OK , everyone was happy. I knew he had a history but i never thought he'd cheat on me. I'm trying to forget it so i wont go into detail but my heart was broken and my confidence dented, and now, i know that being in love like that will be hard, because i wont be able to trust. But everyday i wake up i know that i pushed him away and made him kiss someone else, so i cant help feel guilty for my own pain.
Anyway, why am i telling you all this? Thing is I think I'm in love with him. I've had previous relationships where i thought i had fallen, but this is new. He may have cheated but i know now that this boy will always have my heart, he made me feel like the most beautiful girl alive and I'm going to miss that. I'm going to miss his really warm house, his amazing family, the way he kissed me, the way our hands fitted together. I'm just going to miss him.
Everyone deserves a second chance, and i don't think i can just live with him as my friend, i cant describe how he made me feel, I'm just hurt that I'll never have him back the way i used to.
This blog has been hard to write, admitting how i feel, but truth is I'd give anything to kiss him again...
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