Losing You

I've lost many people in my life and I'm sure you have too. Maybe due to death or general loss. A mistake that a friend made and now your no longer close, a family member involved in an argument and now you don't see them?
 There's losing people and there's losing things like your phone, keys, maybe even a pen? These things can be found again which resolves the problem but people are the things you cant retrieve. You can't take back death and people can never be fully forgiven for the things they have done.


You don't realise what you have and how good it was  until you loose it. Your keys for example, they take them for granted but when lost, you cant get into your house and your stuck. It hurts when you love someone close to you, but i cant work out which side I'm on? Is It good to lose someone so they can stop suffering, or you can get rid of their twisted ways, or should be selfish and  morn them, and never be the same again or storm around missing the person you lost even though it may have been your fault they left.
I cant help feel that a few certain Friends and family members have started drifting away from me for various reasons, they have found better friends and I'm no longer needed, I'm no longer good enough and they have fallen for someone else, or I'm just simply not wanted? I don't want to lose these people but i cant help thinking, would my life be a better place without them? I have to think about it from their perspective too, would they miss me deep down too or is our relationship just false and pretended. 
No one likes losing things so my advice is to always try and keep people and things close to your heart so you cant lose them and if you do, search and search until you get them back.


xxxx

All The Things Wrong

If you don't want to read something that is slightly depressing, i suggest you go back to doing whatever you were before you ended up reading this blog for I am going to rant about all the things i disagree with in life and all the things that are bothering me.


To start this lovely, happy blog i am going to talk about mistakes. On average you make 3 three mistakes a day. Some people make more, some people less. I believe everyone should be forgiven for their mistakes, or to make that clearer, everyone should have a second chance. It annoys me when people aren't given this second chance and are left to suffer for their actions that they might not have meant to occur. 


Saying this i sometimes think that i am maybe to soft on people, i don't want to say no, so i give too many chances that i shouldn't and that tends to lead to heartbreak or upset. I need to learn to say no and to stop giving in so easy.


Second thing is people lying. i cant stand it. The occasional white lie to avoid an argument or just a slight bend of the truth is acceptable from time to time for everyone, its the big, completely unnecessary lies i cant stand. Why lie? Why do something wrong in the first place and then pretend like you haven't done anything. People always get caught out so you might as well tell the truth in the first place. People who lie cannot be trusted. You never know when they are telling the truth or not, i really don't see the point.


Third thing. People who act and pretend. Why play on things, why make them out to be worse than they actually are. Its like the boy who cried wolf. You cant walk around pretending to be something your not, people respect you for who you are, not what you pretend to be. There is no point over exaggerating things to try and avoid the inevitable. It just wont work. You have to face life as it comes and not dodge your way around the things everyone else has to face. That just makes you a coward. Why should other people have to go through things that you don't. Your no different to everyone else.


Fourth thing. Trust. Who can actually be trusted? everyone lets the truth slip every now and then but some more than others. Can anyone be trusted. It tends to be the people who you trust most who stab you in the back. You tell them your secrets and soon you find everyone knows.


Fifth thing. Not being able to be yourself because of the fear. Everyone should be themselves and they shouldn't have to hide it from others in fear what they might say. Everyone has the right and no one should judge before meeting a person. I think its pathetic how people can presume things and make others believe that a person is no good. People should be able to live their lives how they want without others interfering and getting in the way.


Sixth thing. Emotions. Is anyone in control of their emotions. I have the worst mood swings, one moment i can go from laughing to crying. Some people are able to control their emotions and keep a happy face all day but some people cant. The tears fall constantly, but is that a good thing?


Seventh thing. Wrong decisions. People make decisions all the time, some right, some wrong. When making the wrong decision you realise after now whilst making the decision. People shouldn't be blamed for their wrong decisions because everyone makes them. I regret some of the decisions i have made but there is nothing i can do now. You have to live with the decisions you make and no one can help you but yourself.


Eighth thing. Regret. Most people live a life of regret, wishing they had done things when they didn't or wanting to take back things that they couldn't. I wish regret was never invented. I regret soo many things, and i wish i could taker more things back. Many people don't admit regretting things but everyone suffers from it. 


Ninth Thing. Judging. I know for me personally people judge me for who my family is, my friends, things I've been through, but i think, until you know me and my past you cant judge. People who jump to conclusions are wrong. They should wait until they know their facts and not just judge how a person is acting. People stereotype others a lot. Just because a person is too loud or dresses weird they are no different to anyone else. Everyone should be treated equally.


My last moan, one i always talk about. Jealousy. An emotion which will rule many peoples lives. I find myself becoming more and more possessive, wanting whats best fro me and not caring about others. I find myself feeling horrid emotions towards others who do better than me. Its not right, i shouldn't be able to control people just because they want to spend time with other people or do things themselves. I shouldn't feel like this if I'm not picked for something and someone else is. Why is it i feel this way. 'She's prettier than me, he spends more time with her than with me, I'm not good enough' I think these thoughts all the time and its not healthy. Some people are able to hide this very well but i wont deny the way i feel. I cant help feeling second best and not good enough. I can try and live up to other peoples standards but sometimes its just not good enough and that's what hurts.


I'm sorry you have had to listen to my rants, but you chose to read on...
xxx

Love Never Fails

Love never fails to make me feel better and stronger. I always feel that when in love a person is happier. They have someone to pick them up when they are down, someone to cry on, and the world seems like a better place with that person.

'You know you are in love

when you see the world in his eyes,
and his eyes everywhere in the world'

I know that being in love for me, makes everything so much clearer. I can see everything that i want and my emotions are so sharp and clarified. When I'm upset, ill, hurting, just thinking about him makes me feel better. Its made me realise that i don't think i could be the same with out him, life is so hard not seeing him for a day, let alone the rest of my life, which i want to spend the rest of with him.

Not everyone has to improve, it's no one Else's relationship so why let other people interfere, they are allowed their own opinion, and i know mine is with him <3

The Confusion

I feel an emotion, more regularly now, and its really starting to get to me, eating at me day in, day out. Its more than jealousy now. I just feel so lost and confused wanting everything that i don't have. I just want to be happy and better at something than someone. 


I feel as if I'm being over looked, and no one realises my full potential because they are blinded by something else. It's been really starting to get to me. 


When people are so lucky and they don't realise and they take it for granted and when they don't get the usual attention or ability to do whatever they want, they change. Its hard watching, knowing that if i were to do that i wouldn't get my way.


Why am i not good enough? Why cant i just be somebody different, not the person i am. Why cant i get the things i want, why do i have to live in a shadow being over looked. Why do i have to be me?...